As I've established, all relationships take work. Some relationships taka more work than others. And, almost all relationships have disagreements. So what do people disagree about? Various studies have shown that the top three things people argue about are money, sex, and children, and usually in that order.
Money - Studies have shown that the #1 relationship argument topic is money. Who's making the money? How will we spend it? How much of it is "mine" to spend? These are some of the questions that are often asked. The problem is, very rarely will you see two people in a realtionship that were raised with the same attitude toward money. That's why it is very important for both of you to sit down and talk about this...and often. Establish very clear guidelines for the relationship regarding a) how much money there is to spend, b) what it will be spent on, c) who is going to be in charge of actually "spending" the money (or if it is going to be a shared duty), and d) if there is going to be any "mad money" or money that can be spent on non-necessary items. It is very important to establish these guidelines early in a relationship, because money problems will lead to other problems, and will ultimately end most relationships, if not resolved.
Sex - The same problem often exists when dealing with sex as it does with dealing with money. Rarely do two people grow up with the same attitudes toward sex. Since sex is such an important part of romantic relationships (it is a basic human desire, after all), it is important to very important to establish early on what each others' opinions are on a) how often you should have sex, b) how adventurous the sex will be, and let's not forget..c) what the boundaries are regarding sex with other people. Monogamy is not the only way to go in some people's minds, and it will be very unpleasant to find this out after something has happened. So, talk openly with your partner about sex. Both of you need to know how it is going to affect the relationship.
Kids - I left this one for last, only because many couples do not have children, so it is not applicable to all relationships. However, if you are even considering having children with the person you're with, this needs to be discussed in detail. Again, most people have very differing views on how children should be raised. It is very important to know where your partner stands on topics such as a) how often and what types of encouragement and punishment will be used, b) what types of influences will be allowed (TV, music, books, environment, etc.), and c) what types of foods the child will be allowed to eat. These things may seem trivial, but trust me, any of these will cause great strife in the relationship if both partners do not agree, or compromise, on how to handle each of these topics. This is probably the area where the greatest compromise is necessary, becaue people's views on this subject are usually at opposite extremes from each other.
Certainly, these are not the only things couples disagree about, but they are by and far the most common. So, sit down with your partner (or potential partner), talk to them about these things, and develop clear guidelines for each of them, and it will remove great amounts of stress and strain on the relationship. Or, you may find that the differences are too great, and that the two of you are not compatible. If that is the case, you are both better off knowing beforehand.
Will Irvin is the author of Missing Pieces: 21 Secrets of a Successful Relationship, available in paperback, hardcover, or as a downloadable pdf. For more information on the book, visit the book website at http://missingpiecesthebook.com MissingPiecesTheBook.com
Will is also the Webmaster for http://premierdatingonline.com Premier Dating Online, a valuable source for Online Dating Tips, Relationship Advice, and Dating Service Reviews. As an active member of the Online Dating Community, as well as the Online Social Networking Community in general, Will brings that same "street-level" perspective into online relationships, online etiquette, and human relationships in general.
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