7 Steps to Successfully Save Relationship

It's the same old story, Bob works long hours and Jill doesn't feel he is there for her. Jill spends her days focused on the children's needs and Bob feels neglected as well. Is this a relationship that can be, or even should be saved? Good question.

The first step is to decide whether the relationship should be saved or not. This is based on whether both partners are committed to doing the hard work necessary, to make the relationship work. If not, if one or the other has opted out and refuses to opt back in - good luck! While almost any relationship can be saved, it takes the hard work of both partners to make it happen.

A great many people will remain in a relationship because of children, or because it's easier and more convenient than making a major lifestyle change. However, saving a relationship will require the commitment of both partners.

Step 2 is to identify the specific problems in the relationship. Often times people are unaware of the real problem and tend to focus on the symptom, such as an affair, instead.

In actuality the affair is merely a symptom of a much deeper problem, such as a lack of intimacy in the relationship. This problem can cause numerous symptoms such as an affair, if its not identified or dealt with. If the focus is on the affair, rather than the underlying problem with intimacy, the partner may just trade one symptom in for another. Giving up the affair, for example because of guilt and moving on to pornography. The underlying problem must be recognized.

Focusing on core problems, will enable the relationship to be saved.

After underlying problems are identified, you can then move on to a true dialog between partners and a real discussion of thoughts, feelings and concerns. Hold your partners hand and demonstrate that you want to reconnect with them during this process, especially since emotions may be flying high. When your partner speaks, avoid being defensive even if it is hurtful. Focus on the fact that they are not trying to hurt you, but rather on improving the relationship.

Now that the underlying problems have been identified and detailed, you need to create a plan of action to deal with these problems. You need to list and take very concrete steps in your action plan. There is no place for any ambiguity. For example, if you need to take more together time, then designate one or two nights a week, to go out on a date. Take turns with your ideas and preferences and be creative on how to spend your time together. If the underlying problem is a lack of communication then commit and spend 30 minutes a night, prior to bed time, to just talking with one another.

Finally, both partners need to recognize that relationships are an ongoing process. There is no room for complacency, without the risk of problems developing. Sometimes you make progress in one area and slip a little in another - its OK, if you're truly committed to the process overall. You need to be able to accept both the successes, as well as the failures and like the old saying goes, "be quick to apologize and slow to blame!"

Is your relationship worth saving - you should be in a better position to answer this question after reading this article.

by gmarlett Copyright 2009 All rights reserved

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